I have heard and said it a million times...but seriously...where does time go?! It does NOT seem possible that a month ago I was in the hospital having a baby. Because time is going so quickly (and maybe a bit because I'm just a big sap) I cry a lot over the passing of time.
I think the real reason behind all the tears is the overwhelming joy and love of having this little boy in my life. There's more to the story of Wyatt than I have told people. Some people know, but I could count on two hands the number of people who know/I've talked about it with. So why tell the story now? Because my husband and I didn't want people to feel the need to express any sympathies (and still don't), and now that Wyatt is is here I feel like sometimes things happen for a reason...something I could not fathom at the time.
When I originally posted about being pregnant, I wrote that we had tried to plan for not having my labor being during the "busy wedding time," but things don't always go as planned. Many people took this as meaning that the pregnancy wasn't planned or that it was a surprise. That wasn't the case. What it meant was that I was originally due in February of this year, not August...but things didn't go as planned.
Last May I went into the emergency room thinking I had a kidney stone. While there I learned that I was pregnant (we had been trying) and that the pain was from an ruptured ovarian cyst. After running some tests, the next day I found out that the pregnancy was not okay. It was ectopic (stuck in my fallopian tube). The only option for this type of pregnancy is to remove it. Needless to say, we were devastated. My husband is good at looking on the bright side and reminded me many times that things happen for a reason. If I had not had the ruptured cyst I would not have gone in until later...meaning the pregnancy would not have been discovered (or the problem with it until later; I would have been even more attached and in more danger. When not discovered, an ectopic pregnancy can rupture a fallopian tube and/or result in major damage and surgeries. Even knowing this, I could not come to terms with there being a "reason" behind why this had happened to us. As I'm sure anyone who miscarries feels.
There's a radio show I use to listen to where the host (who was a doctor) always told callers that "you get the baby you are meant to have." Whether that means through carrying a baby, using a surrogate, adopting, etc. This is easier to say than it is to accept. At least it was until Wyatt came into our lives.
A few days after being home from the hospital my husband and I were just staring at our precious new baby when he asked me if I ever wonder what it would have been like with the other baby. This was a shock to me because it is something he doesn't really bring up or talk about. He was always said the ectopic happened for a reason...even if we don't know what the reason is. Well I think it's safe to say we found our reason. Wyatt was meant to be in our lives. It's not that the other baby wasn't meant to be in our lives, because it still is. Our angel baby brought this rainbow baby into our lives for a reason. We will never forget the hurt, but we can celebrate the joy of Wyatt every single day.
So as I shed tears writing this post I want people to know that there is no reason to express sympathies; we are celebrating the little life we now have. I am writing about our experience because like myself, I think it's something people often keep to themselves. It's therapeutic to talk about and part of the story of Wyatt and what makes him more special to us.
When I originally posted about being pregnant, I wrote that we had tried to plan for not having my labor being during the "busy wedding time," but things don't always go as planned. Many people took this as meaning that the pregnancy wasn't planned or that it was a surprise. That wasn't the case. What it meant was that I was originally due in February of this year, not August...but things didn't go as planned.
Last May I went into the emergency room thinking I had a kidney stone. While there I learned that I was pregnant (we had been trying) and that the pain was from an ruptured ovarian cyst. After running some tests, the next day I found out that the pregnancy was not okay. It was ectopic (stuck in my fallopian tube). The only option for this type of pregnancy is to remove it. Needless to say, we were devastated. My husband is good at looking on the bright side and reminded me many times that things happen for a reason. If I had not had the ruptured cyst I would not have gone in until later...meaning the pregnancy would not have been discovered (or the problem with it until later; I would have been even more attached and in more danger. When not discovered, an ectopic pregnancy can rupture a fallopian tube and/or result in major damage and surgeries. Even knowing this, I could not come to terms with there being a "reason" behind why this had happened to us. As I'm sure anyone who miscarries feels.
There's a radio show I use to listen to where the host (who was a doctor) always told callers that "you get the baby you are meant to have." Whether that means through carrying a baby, using a surrogate, adopting, etc. This is easier to say than it is to accept. At least it was until Wyatt came into our lives.
A few days after being home from the hospital my husband and I were just staring at our precious new baby when he asked me if I ever wonder what it would have been like with the other baby. This was a shock to me because it is something he doesn't really bring up or talk about. He was always said the ectopic happened for a reason...even if we don't know what the reason is. Well I think it's safe to say we found our reason. Wyatt was meant to be in our lives. It's not that the other baby wasn't meant to be in our lives, because it still is. Our angel baby brought this rainbow baby into our lives for a reason. We will never forget the hurt, but we can celebrate the joy of Wyatt every single day.
So as I shed tears writing this post I want people to know that there is no reason to express sympathies; we are celebrating the little life we now have. I am writing about our experience because like myself, I think it's something people often keep to themselves. It's therapeutic to talk about and part of the story of Wyatt and what makes him more special to us.
The love and joy I have for Wyatt is something I can't express. So what do I do? Cry! I find myself constantly just staring at him and crying, holding him and crying, or just crying. They are tears of mixed emotion....love, wanting time to slow down, fear that I won't remember the details of him being so little, just wanting to take it all in and hold onto every moment, and/or just pure joy. I'm sure it's like this for all parents, especially first timers. But I can't help but think I'm so emotional and trying even harder to take it all in because of what happened. Every second feels so precious to me and like it was just meant to be....
Thanks for another week of orders guys!
Thanks for another week of orders guys!
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